Synchronised jumping that gives 20 something women the gush!

I have just seen something that has made me want to buy plastic explosives.

While watching television and chowing down on some of the best nachos I’ve had since my mate Jewish Barry’s wedding, I saw it.

At first I didn’t know what was going on.  I think I must have been in shock.  I know that my mouth fell open in horror at what I was seeing and something in my head just snapped.  I must have looked like a Japanese horror film ghost.  I could feel a breeze on my tonsils, my maw was open that wide.

The atrocity that I was witnessing was the merging of two lumps of festering dung to make a giant pile of what can only be described as complete shit.  McBusted!

The entirety of humanity had just failed for me at that moment.

Stillness… followed by the feeling of fire inside me somewhere but to my surprise wasn’t a deep, primal anger burning at my very soul.  I was just sick in my mouth a little bit.

just one grenade and its done!

For fuck sake, I had just forgotten about those two abominations and then some money grabbing prick went and merged the two together.  If any of you reading this that I know personally that considers themselves a grown up buys a ticket and goes to this atrocity then please, consider yourself dead to me.  Seriously!

I remember the joy I felt when both of those bands fell to the wayside, but I shuddered the day I heard that Take That were reforming because I knew that soon the floodgates would open.  And they did.

The influx of shit boy bands reforming was almost head numbing.  But I never saw this cluster fuck coming.  Who could have?

Someone out there; and I can only imagine a cross between Nosferatu, Margaret Thatcher and Simon Cowell, put this thing together.  They sat there, in some kind of typhus riddled castle up on a mountain in the dead of night and they said to their minions ‘we need to merge the worst two bands in the world.”

Some kind of demon deal was done over this.  I can only imagine some infant children were sacrificed in some kind of blood orgy to a beast like god long forgotten.  The slime god Pete Waterman.

At first I thought it was a duel headlining thing but after the advert had finished I realised that I had heard the voiceover use the term ‘super group’.  The world’s greatest super group no less.

Please, for the love of the sea please tell me what is going to be so super about the whole thing.

A shit load of women in their mid-twenties reminiscing about when they were teenagers and pissing off the entire pub by putting on every song by these cunt bands on the jukebox.  All those walking wide-on’s in the o2 arena.  Can you imagine the amount of Impulse deodorant that will be sold just to cover up the cooch-musk?  The owners of Boot’s must be rubbing their hands together.

this was my reaction to the news the two bands had merged!

Think of all those teenage girls out there that lost their virginity to the sound of ‘Year 3000’.  They’ll be able to take their illegitimate one night stand children along to have a groove around too.

I hated those bands when they were at their peak.  It was horrible saccharine coated money laundering drivel aimed to get young girls (and gay men) wet so they can charge £70 a fucking ticket.

I have never got that, I thought the price of the tick would go down the more people that you go into a venue.  A small place charges between £5 and £10 for entry and you can see the band up close and personal.  If the place is really small you’ll probably meet the band at the bar or selling their stuff on their own merch table.

But a band like McFly or Busted you pay £50+ to sit in row Z where you need binoculars to be able to see the fucking stage.  As for meeting the band, you have to have cancer or something to be able to get back stage to ‘meet they guys’ for the grand total of 2 seconds.

Unless you’ve got a bald head and drip hanging out of your arm on children in need you have more chance of getting a posh wank from the pope.

Who would want to meet a pack of soulless cretins anyway?

If I were close to the end the last thing I would want to see coming at me is that bass player prick from busted.  Hasn’t he got the mind to know that dressing like a teenage girl doesn’t make you look young?  It makes you look like the nonce at the skate park.  No one likes the nonce at the skate park.

Look at the state of these jumped up wankers.  Who are they trying to kid?  When Take That came back they did it properly calling themselves a ‘man-band’ and dressed accordingly.   They had grown up and their image reflected that.  Fuck, I sound like a fan or something.

But with ‘McFuckingBusted’ they are turning out pretty much the same as when they started.

calm down love, where’s ya mate with the tits?

And where the fuck is the one with the massive eyebrows?  You know the one, the one that looks like a fucking Thunderbird’s puppet, the one Fern Cotton let hump all over her.  Silly cow.  Lesson learned, yeah, love?

That’s why her nostrils are so flared, she still can’t believe she let that douche anywhere near her… let alone drop spongle all over her arse cheeks.  I was always more of a fan of her mate, that Holly Willoughby tart.  Talk about boobage!

I believe his name was Charlie.  Fitting.

Dunno about you but I still prefer to call him ‘That Cunt’ from Busted.  It narrows the list down to three people that way but you get what I mean.

Please, please, please, can someone out there bomb the fucking stage right at the moment they pull one of their overly choreographed punk jumps.  You’ll hear the collective squelch of a mass wide-on and the O2 arena will be engulfed in flames.

We live in hope.