I still think that my favourite part of the pizza is the stuffed crust; they should just do crusts in a box like they do mozzarella sticks and that, or maybe stuffed dough balls with garlic butter.
I fucking hate rats, I can’t see how anybody would want to keep them as a pet. I know loads of people that keep them and I don’t see the point. ‘But they lovely’, disease carrying vermin is what they are; I want to stamp on every last one of the bastards.
Now I’m not the biggest animal lover as some of you know, I just see them as an animal. If they don’t serve a function then they are pretty much useless and should be destroyed so the human race can move on without the distraction and expense of saving an animal that was destined to die out due to the evolutionary process anyway.
I have a mate that collects ornamental insects, spiders, scorpions, giant stick insects those kinds of things and he has this massive fuck off tarantula in his front room. I hate the thing, and I think the spider knows this. Mike has repeatedly mentioned that if I ever crash out around his house that he will put the thing on my head, take a photo and post it on the internet. If this happens I’m filing that giant spider’s tank with a full kettle of water and put the lid on, boil me up some arachnid. I have yet to pass out on his sofa.
I used to have a snake, it was an African whip snake and she was four foot long. I bought her from a bloke with half his face tattooed after drinking a bottle of black Sambuca while on a bender down the promenade. I got a massive tank for her with all the night lights, fake plants, heat pads and all that jazz, but there was one problem, I was scared of her… and she bit my mates face.
She used to dummy strike and was also capable of delivering a nasty nip when handled when she wasn’t in the mood. I would often read, laying on my sofa and notice that she was staring at me from over the top of my book. When she had seen that I had noticed her spying on me she would slowly coil back into her big piece of bark that she had made a nest under. In the end I sold it to this hippy prick up the street and due to lack of care soon died. I should have kept hold of her but didn’t have room for the tank after I had moved. I still can’t stand that hippy to this day.
I’ve always wanted to keep tree frogs though; I think having a big upright tank of the bug-eyed little critters would be really cool. Not as pets but more of an ornament, like a night stand or exotic lamp would be. I like pets like that, low maintenance and mellow like a big tropical fish tank.
I once had a tropical tank and kept a blood red Japanese fighter fish called Akira but I went on holiday and left the feeding of the fish to a mate and when I came home it had choked on a stone from the bottom of the tank.
It was awesome for going to sleep, it had a night light in there as well as the normal day lamp and the sound of the bubbles from the filter helped me drift off no problem. I’m thinking of getting another one when I move out of this dump, one of those big fuck off one’s that take up half your living room. Yes!
There are just some animals that people shouldn’t own. I know this girl that actually wants to keep a black widow as a pet, straight up. She has been in love with the things for years and has found a place that breeds and sells the fuckers. No forgive me if I’m wrong but aren’t those fuckers excruciatingly dangerous? I’m no zoo keeper but even I could tell you that those things can kill a man with one bite, and she wants to own one. Nutter!
It’s like chavs fixation with owning a Staffordshire bull terrier, I think you get one free when you move into a council place with your scumbag girlfriend and her litter of multi-fathered mongrels.
I heard a bloke on the bus talk about owning a pit-bull and how he would let it around his kids because he thought that the animal has been given the ‘devils dog’ modicum wrongly. Of course they have mate, that’s why they are illegal here and when you do finally find out why, when your trying to pull free your infant daughter that is being shaken like a ragdoll in the jaws of the bastard mutt then come back and tell us that they are safe to have around people. You only want the fucker so you can look hard and intimidate people you dirty estate scum. I hope the thing turns on you and bites your stupid face off and I hope I get to see it… you mug!