You say Arsenal one more time and I’ll volley you off that stool!

So, let’s talk about football

And we could wax lyrical about the old rivalries support and why your team is a pile of shit whether they have been more successful over the years or not.

We could talk for days about the mind blowing amounts of money the players are paid and how it has detracted away from the old working class ballet modicum that it has held for so long.

We could poke holes in the theory that the influx of high paid foreign players has stunted the growth of home-grown players and damaged the national team, even though it hasn’t seemed to affected foreign leagues.

We could also chat about our favourite goals that we have seen scored over the years and talk about what makes a player a footballing genius.  For me, Paul Gascoigne scoring that epic 40 yard out free kick against the Gooner scum being right up with the best.  http://youtu.be/n0LZbyccHow Pick that out the net, mate.

We could talk about who we thought was the best player on the planet right now, Messi, Ibrahimovic, Bale, Ronaldo, the list goes on and on.  I’m not taking anything from Messi but I am a bit of an Ibrahimovic fan and I have a soft spot for Bale and can’t blame him for going to Madrid.  Ronaldo however is a cheating fucking wanker that looks like a lesbian.  Diving bastard.

We could talk about how it was a tougher sport back in the day and how easy the players hit the ground off of the slightest of touches.  I think we can agree that the days of the gladiatorial midfield hard men are pretty much over baring a few ‘special’ players.  Joey Barton for England, he mumbled under his breath.

And let’s leave alone what we think of the pundits.  Andy Townsend, I didn’t rate you as a player so why would I want to hear your thoughts at half time, fuck off.

Ave that, you cunt!

And some of the footballer melt downs are absolutely classic.  Big Ron’s racist outburst on live telly, Didier Drogba swearing and generally going mental at the end of a champions league defeat.  And who can forget the afore mentioned Joey Barton fighting pretty much the whole of the Manchester City eleven.  He even went for Mario Balotelli… who was on the bench.

Now I don’t profess to having an encyclopaedic knowledge of the game but I know people that do and I don’t want them pulling me up because I got a name or a stat wrong, so…

I would like to talk about how I see football as a curse.

It is, it’s passed down from generation to generation and in my case it was forced upon me.  I didn’t buy that first pair of boots.  I didn’t hand myself that ball and pushed myself out into the garden on a rainy day.  I didn’t buy those sticker albums or have the wait to choose what we watched on the telly in the evening.  I didn’t force myself to play football at school whether I wanted to or not.

It was pushed into my face from a young age.

I remember wanting to be a Norwich city supporter when I was about five because I liked the colours green and yellow but because my step father supported Spurs, I had to be a spurs fan.

My brother is a spurs fan, as is my cousins and aunty… it’s a family curse.

And I don’t mean it in ‘well, we haven’t won anything in ages’ sort of a way, no.  Even if you support the most successful teams it’s still a curse.  Season after season you sit/stand glued to see the outcome of each match with bated breath.  Coming away from matches disappointed when on paper you should have hammered them.  Taking the scalp of the top teams only to be relegated for your trouble.

Yet we sit there don’t we.  Every weekend we sit there with a pint in our hand staring up at the big screen or down at the pitch screaming at the linesman and for what?

When you win the league you are only the champions for the duration of the summer break and then it starts all over again.  A never ending cycle of athleticism and bad refereeing decisions.  Did the ball cross the line was it offside, did he dive or was he pushed?

“Is the ref fucking blind or what?”

But yet we love it don’t we.  I know I do, I love Tottenham through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad, and believe me there have been plenty of bad times of us over the years.

I have a soft spot for QPR though, due to the TV show ‘Bottom’.  When the ‘Gers’ came up to the premier league I didn’t watch the matched between them and Spurs.  Funny how people have little superstitions like that over sport isn’t it.

I wonder how many players have lucky pants or have little voodoo dolls of other players that they don’t like.  You see players praying all the time.  Especially at Spurs, they are praying to keep their jobs the way some of them have been playing recently and taking into consideration the amount of money they spent.

But that’s another gripe that’s far too easy to get involved with.

I guess one day I will pass the curse onto my children, force them to watch Spurs win/loose week in week out.  I’ll probably sent them to a school that will make them play football out in the wind and rain whether they like it or not.  And one day I’ll stand on the touchline fist fighting with another parent over a dodgy challenge from a rival school player at an under 16’s match.

In a way it’s almost like religion.  At least I know that Gareth Bale is real, I’ve seen the man play.

I for one can’t pass this family curse on to my kids, but if they say to me that they are going to support Arsenal, I’ll drown the fuckers in the canal.

Speaking of football, I’m off to check final score and see if I’m picking up from the bookies.  Might stop off for a hot Bovril on the way back.

Peace.