Let’s Go Viral

So, if these people are working with ebola victims or disposing of the dead from the ebola virus why aren’t they being tested before they get on the planes.

If it was me I would want to take every precaution before I went anywhere especially home. And the people that are bringing it back ‘home’ are doctors and aid workers people that are meant to be reassuringly intelligent.

I smell a rat.

In my view it’s just another thing to keep dumb Americans scared and look at it this way more people will die from being shot by police today than from ebola in the western world.

I mean it would make sense.

dr-thumbs-upYou’ve just been exposed to loads of people carrying the virus; you’ve been up to your ankles in slurry and human waste that contains the virus and you’ve been burning/burying the dead from the virus so you’d want to be tested as soon as possible. You’re a doctor testing people for ebola, how hard would it be to test yourself before you went home to your friends and family?

I’m going to guarantee you that right now there are people in the US bulk buying bottles of hand sanitizer. To be fair these are probably the same people that buy sterilising wipes to clean their own office phone after every use.

I am also willing to bet there has been an influx of phone calls from concerned old aunties asking if their nieces and nephews living in New York are okay and getting enough vitamin-C or if they are keeping warm.

“Maybe you should go and see the doctor just to be sure, dear… and don’t forget to stock up on hand gel and chicken soup.”

The guy in question even went home to his fiancée and you know he threw his juice inside of her that night. He hasn’t seen her in months and she wasn’t waiting for him with a box of chocolates and a Renée Zellweger DVD now was she.  Anal, dude, anal!

What a fucking dick head.


But if you thought you had it bad in the states I have just seen a woman on the morning news campaigning to the government to change the UK timeline so it’s the same as Spain so that children will be able to see when they are playing football.

This fucking tofu eating, hand sanitising hippy fuckwit is asking to change the base of the global standard of time so that children can benefit from an hour of extra daylight when playing 5-a-side.

One word here… floodlights… you stupid cunt.

WhatTimeIsItWhat got me was that the interviewer didn’t ask is she had turned out all right growing up in the dark? She was banging on like every child that goes out to play at this time of year will grow up to be some form of mutated crippled troll.  We used to go out in the evening to play football all the time and it didn’t do us any harm.

Sure one of my mates got flashed by some fucking psycho while riding his bike home one night but other than that there were no long term detrimental effects. The funny part of the story was that because of the light on his bike all he could see was the perverts cock jiggling about.  How we laughed.

And don’t give me that shit about children getting snatched because the majority of children get taken in broad daylight. If anything there are probably less child abductions at this time of the year as parents don’t want their children going out in the dark.

So what this woman is proposing is that kid need more sunlight but at the cost of more of them being raped and killed by paedophiles.

But we in the collective western world have bigger things to worry about than some pesky virus that rots you from the inside out causing all the orifices of your body and pours of your skin to bleed out; or whether children need an extra hour of daylight so that they don’t turn into some kind of vampiric sociopath that is shit at football.

Low flying drones!

With camera drones becoming readily available for as cheap as £300 the government have been forced to leap into action to keep the people of London safe from the low flying remote controlled aircraft.

DroneThere are laws to stop people using them over or within 150 meters of a built up area which, I feel destroys the point of owning one. If you took your camera drone to some massive field all you will be able to film is the field.  That’s all it is, a fucking field. “Oh look there’s a cow”, how fucking exciting, that’s £300 I’m never getting back.

Saying that I would probably try and land it on the cows head just to see what sort of noise it would make.

I want to be able to spy on drug deals, police pushing prostitutes around and taking money of them.  I want to be able to catch people having sex in the park or annoy the hell out of old people.  I want to follow some old biddy with my drone.

I want to be able to fly my drone through the doors at ASDA and harass the security staff. And I reckon it’s big enough to set off the automatic doors too.

You can see it now, one of those ‘where there’s blame’ legal adverts with some dude in a suit asking you “have you been hit by a low flying drone, have you been followed by a quad-rotor?” Then you need to lighten up and fuck the fuck off.

But anyhow, that’s enough from me for one morning; I’m off to get tested for blood spunk disease and to order my attack drone from Argos.

And don’t forget that the clocks go back Sunday night.

Set your watch.


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